I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
