I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
