im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
