He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
