if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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