i don't like sucking hair
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
