The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We're too hungover to prance.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
