I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
