just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
