We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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