I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
