I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
