She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
