Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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