Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
