I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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