Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
