Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize