this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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