God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
