Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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