At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
