i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
