I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize