If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize