So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
