the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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