the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize