i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she told me i tasted like america
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
