I'm jealous of your bromance
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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