I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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