i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's always time for handjobs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
