I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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