I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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