oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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