I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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