So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize