You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize