He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
