I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
