I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
