Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
