You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need water and some morals
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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