every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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