u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
