i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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