on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
