she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
