i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
