I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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