I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
