At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
