So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
