every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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