Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
