Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize