Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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