Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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