she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
