So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize