ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
