I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
