Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
