I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
NoShamevember. You game?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
