I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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