It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
