i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
