how can u be prego again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
