i wish there were pregnant emoticons
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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